I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize