Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
