You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
