we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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