is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
