someone threw a dead crab at me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
