Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
