Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
