Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
