He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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