Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
