I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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