i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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