It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
