I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
