my soul wont recognize me after tonight
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
