My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
