i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
