I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
