Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
