if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
