It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
