There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
