How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
