You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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