When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
