no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
