i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
