hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
