Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
