sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
