Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
