I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
