you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
