Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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