Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
