i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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