I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
