its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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