I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize