i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
