i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
