I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
