this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
