I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
