Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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