Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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