I'm lost and stupid without you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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