Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
