i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
