she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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