I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
