Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
