he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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