Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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