You can't motorboat a personality
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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