That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
