i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
