her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize