Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
