if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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