so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
