hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
