And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
