Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
