I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
