So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
