Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize