Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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