I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
