I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ketchup is God's man juice
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
