DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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