I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
