the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
