you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
