Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
