I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
