the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
