Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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