Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
