True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
