did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
