I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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