You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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