I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
