you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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