Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
