i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize