I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
