pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
