This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize