So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
