you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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