i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
