You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
