I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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