Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
